There are times in this life which we can't do what we want, we have to swallow our feelings drown our pride put our dreams in a drawer and do what it has to be done for survive.
I was drawing since I was a little girl and I always liked art the craft. But I never truly believed in my self. Never. Always a pessimist feeling lower than everyone. Mean and jealous of other's happiness. Maybe bad things are around cause I'm a bad person myself. You see all these people around you and every single one of them has a tag on. A purpose, a guiding line as leader to a cause. I have a HUGE blackness around my neck chocking me, forbidding the air in my langs. That is my guide. I was always good at drawing, not excellent or perfect, good, that means a hitch over the normal people. Yes I don't believe artist are normal, we are paranormal way to much and if you consider yourself as normal then I guess you don't posses any craft. Its a talent and its not teachable. Its a curse that haunts you starves you and tortures you at nights. If you follow the path you will be hungry poor miserable non-acceptable and as they might call you a parasite, but a free one like those in the field which no human ever walk, all this if you stay true to the craft, the truly parasites that are famous claiming to be artists are not in my interest and I ll not talk about them. If you don't follow the calling of art and become a normal person you deny your true nature and enslave yourself to a human eater machine, capitalism. Hating yourself your parents sibling spouse and children. All these people who forced you to deny yourself and become an eating-fat over consuming creature with depths that never enjoyed, self-destruction thoughts and you ending sitting in a train looking out of a window try to figure out why you were born and how salvation will come with a quick death.
If joy you seek then stop reading, cause joy and positive thoughts and all those craps are for people who spend a lot of hours watching the perfect family in television, and all these freak encouraging programs. When one of those "happy" people talks to me I want to turn them off, stop them pollute the air that I breath.
Pressure, the biggest pluge in our days is not cancer, or aids, its pressure. the feeling that you need to screem so loud and instead you shut your mouth so hard that hurts you gums and bleed. Is killing you from the inside. Its killing me right now my hands are shaking my legs are hurt and i feel my stomach so hard and full, I'm tired of swallow everything material and non. Always doing the opposite of what I trully want! My mother always told me that I should be an artist, do you know what she has done to help me.... Nothing.
I'm bitter, maybe cause of my parents abandon, maybe. I used to hurt my self trying to export my pain. Not that they cared I grew up in the street and I"m proud of that cause it made me senseless cruel and bitter. Pussing me !!! All of them! And I always pay for everybody.
My biggest dream is not to be an artist or rich. Is to live ALONE in a small house in the woods. I will have a yard and live peaceful in solitude in the absolute tranquility. If I want to draw I ll do it for me not of money or confirmation. My biggest dream is to never see anyone again and live alone in the woods doing my craft have my pagan symbols open, me and a puppy cause it will be the only thing will love me no matter what.
I was drawing since I was a little girl and I always liked art the craft. But I never truly believed in my self. Never. Always a pessimist feeling lower than everyone. Mean and jealous of other's happiness. Maybe bad things are around cause I'm a bad person myself. You see all these people around you and every single one of them has a tag on. A purpose, a guiding line as leader to a cause. I have a HUGE blackness around my neck chocking me, forbidding the air in my langs. That is my guide. I was always good at drawing, not excellent or perfect, good, that means a hitch over the normal people. Yes I don't believe artist are normal, we are paranormal way to much and if you consider yourself as normal then I guess you don't posses any craft. Its a talent and its not teachable. Its a curse that haunts you starves you and tortures you at nights. If you follow the path you will be hungry poor miserable non-acceptable and as they might call you a parasite, but a free one like those in the field which no human ever walk, all this if you stay true to the craft, the truly parasites that are famous claiming to be artists are not in my interest and I ll not talk about them. If you don't follow the calling of art and become a normal person you deny your true nature and enslave yourself to a human eater machine, capitalism. Hating yourself your parents sibling spouse and children. All these people who forced you to deny yourself and become an eating-fat over consuming creature with depths that never enjoyed, self-destruction thoughts and you ending sitting in a train looking out of a window try to figure out why you were born and how salvation will come with a quick death.
If joy you seek then stop reading, cause joy and positive thoughts and all those craps are for people who spend a lot of hours watching the perfect family in television, and all these freak encouraging programs. When one of those "happy" people talks to me I want to turn them off, stop them pollute the air that I breath.
Pressure, the biggest pluge in our days is not cancer, or aids, its pressure. the feeling that you need to screem so loud and instead you shut your mouth so hard that hurts you gums and bleed. Is killing you from the inside. Its killing me right now my hands are shaking my legs are hurt and i feel my stomach so hard and full, I'm tired of swallow everything material and non. Always doing the opposite of what I trully want! My mother always told me that I should be an artist, do you know what she has done to help me.... Nothing.
I'm bitter, maybe cause of my parents abandon, maybe. I used to hurt my self trying to export my pain. Not that they cared I grew up in the street and I"m proud of that cause it made me senseless cruel and bitter. Pussing me !!! All of them! And I always pay for everybody.
My biggest dream is not to be an artist or rich. Is to live ALONE in a small house in the woods. I will have a yard and live peaceful in solitude in the absolute tranquility. If I want to draw I ll do it for me not of money or confirmation. My biggest dream is to never see anyone again and live alone in the woods doing my craft have my pagan symbols open, me and a puppy cause it will be the only thing will love me no matter what.
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